Snowboarding for fun and profit

We went skiing. OK beeg deal. Well chicos it is for me because I is back! Yes I went up last year once and did OK for a cripple. But this year I wolfed down some cortisone and did some pretty quick runs down the black slope... OK it was a not very black... black slope but I did good enough for me to have major back spasms on the way up on the chair lift over and over again. I am glad the slopes were basically empty because my fellow chairlift travelers would have though I was having a heart attack or a religious experience or both. By the way the place we went to was super fabulous... Vall de Nuria. OK not much to speak of run wise but it so beautiful and the only way in is by rack railroad. The Pyrenees are just too wonderful for words. Little mini mountains with happy shepherds and mountain sheep. And great chow!

Anyway the last half day I rented a snowboard and walked up and slid down the bunny slope until I got it. So I have decided its time to retire the ski equipment and buy a bong and go riding. I don´t know what it is with the big flat stick but it just feels so much better. Look, fundamentally you can only do perfect turns. I have been skiing for 20 years and I think I have been happy with a turn like maybe 3 times. OK I have high standards but the whole Zen, doper aesthetic just seems right right now. The boots are big, floppy and comfortable. The board is easy to lug around and you can use it for a coffee table when you are not riding... man.

The other thing that was enlightening was that I basically had no arthritis related pain... OK thighs on fire and the aforementioned labor pains yeah but no joint stuff. Before my hips were killing me and my right ankle was a little rough and the left knee was reminding who was the boss... but on the slopes I completely forgot about it and the euphoria has kept on going for a week. So as far as I am concerned it`s full tilt action man from now on. I am going up again this week. Just me, my pal Mick's board, my new "on sale" boots and my bong... man.

Dubai Part 2

So I recently went back to Dubai for a job. OK it was strange but then how it could be anything but. Folks it ain't supposed to be there. It's a modern end game construct built by Pakistani slaves, funded by trafficking in ever increasingly rare SUV and jumbo jet juice and ignored and exploited by a growing list of multinational corporations and celebs. Tiger Woods and Gordon Ramsey are there and Rod Stewart owns the Scottish replica of an earth shaped man made archipelago called not surprisingly called The World. There is the world's largest indoor ski area and the world's tallest building. If you could build your dream world from scratch would it resemble Dubai? Hmmmm... not in a million years...

After the shoot I spent a day taking pictures of buildings and Pakistani and Indian workers and as soon as I get them scanned... yep I be shooting film... I will let you know. Mas tarde.

Luis the Angolan Dietitian

Luis is from Angola. He has a sense of humor and a very calm presence. I like calm presences a lot these days. So my diet is:

Breakfast

12 almonds

6 dried apricots

Soy Yogurt

A fresh juice of carrots, apples and celery

Fresh Fruit

Lunch

Well it varies but basically its a mixed salad followed by a plato combinado of a protein like eggs, fish, meat or tofu and some sort of vegetable and a non gluten starch like rice or potatoes. Highlights include:

Boiled vegetables with a poached egg

Rice noodles with poached fish

Quinoa (a grain from South America) with a tofu burger

Dinner

Repeat breakfast

I cannot have salt, wheat or dairy products. I am supposed to take a nice walk twice a day and make a tea of this strange weed called Maria Luisa after each meal.

So after the first month I told Luis that he might be a good dietitian but he is a lousy menu designer. I asked him if I could take his basic components and use them to make up my own menu. He agreed so I pretty much divvy up the week between fish, meat and eggs and make sure to have salad, a starch and vegetables at each lunch. Dinner and breakfast are pretty much lost causes so I just toe the line.

The problem is that I live with people and I have always loved to cook and eat. Breakfasts are fine but dinners are a disaster. I eat my fruit and watch Zoe and Benedicte eat real food. And since I am kind of the man in the kitchen the dinners have been getting progressively simpler. Zoe gets a few slices of ham, a couple of tomato slices and rice or potatoes. Benedicte might have salad or just hit the taco chips if she is just up to opening a bag and stuffing her face.

The positive aspects are that my obsession with food is now waining. I am beginning to see it as more of a sustenance delivery system and less of a religious experience. Perspective is good but there was much I loved about being obsessed with chow. I really need to find a balance. The other good thing is that I have found quinoa... OK I 'm reaching for positives but it really is an interesting alternative to mono culture crops like wheat. Hey and it tastes good.

Ultimately as I mentioned in my previous entry after 3 months it's not obvious to me that the diet is having any effect. Yes I would like to attribute a bad day to that gram of pie crust that I snuck into my mouth but it's just not clear that this is the case. We'll see.

Mashed Yeast

I wish I could be enthusiastic about more things. I wish I could report back that by eating bland and tasteless chow that is often the color of dirt is a cure for what ails me. But the truth is after 3 months or so I am not in anyway convinced that this is a solution for anything other than making me eat and cook bland and tasteless chow by myself and adding a chunk of cash to my dietitian's wallet.

So the program is to try to cure RA through a change in diet and homeopathy. Listen I really want to get rid of this stuff. Yes the medication I am taking is helping tremendously but if I didn't have state funded health care I would be popping for a monthly bill of 1200 bucks. Not a pleasant thought and besides there are days like today when I know that what I am taking is just treating the symptoms. No I am not wailing in agony but I can tell you exactly which "articulation" is affected, And disturbingly the list is growing. So it makes perfect sense to me to get this stuff out of me.

OK friends recommended a homeopathist. Her name is Otrud. Obviously she is German. And she is very scary. Otrud says I have been suppressing my bodies desire to kick my ass. Otrud says that I will go through "hell" as my body gives me a whuppin' for taking the evil elixirs from the conniving, blood sucking "western" doctors. Six months of howling agony and then and only then Otrud will bring me back to life of mobility and Karma and brown rice and soy products.

I will also be required to abandon all of the medication that has in actuality has, depending on the day, given me back maybe 90 percent of what I had before I ate the dreaded camel.

So I did my due diligence. I spoke with the "cured" patients of Otrud and to be honest the results are impressive. I had lunch with a very pretty scientist who ironically is researching the just how RA affects the human body. For 10 years she had suffered from our shared malady... it was everywhere, including the joints between her jaw and her skull... there were days she could hardly bring herself to talk... anyway after Otrud's cure she now has no symptoms what so ever.

I spoke about the possibility of homeopathy with my evil western doctors who are seemingly some the nicest people I have ever met and they did not throw me out of the office and laugh at me. They understood my concern and said to try this new path. But they also said to not stop taking my evil western potions as Otrud has demanded.

I also spent sometime researching RA and homeopathy and read that according to the International Association of Homeopathists no lawful homeopathist would ever suggest not taking "western" medicine cold turkey when it comes to a serious illnesses.

So I have come to the conclusion that Otrud is not for me. I am still willing to explore homeopathy and have found a another doctor who is not so... hardcore. He is suggesting that homeopathy can cure RA but he prefers to work with my evil western doctors, gradually lowering the dosages and hopefully, in time suspending them.

Regarding the diet and the dietitian. Instinctually I do feel that this wheat, lactose and salt free diet is having a positive effect but I need to validate his opinions. I am going to go see a "western" food allergy specialist and see if I actually do have a sensitivity to these things. Look I love bread and cheese and if I don't have to give them up why should I. Onward.

Recovery

I am embarking on a new adventure. I am going to try to get rid of my rheumatoid arthritis through homeopathy and diet. Yeah it's under control and I pretty much can do anything I did before I ate the dreaded camel spaghetti but still everybody including my rheumatologist tells me that one of the things I am taking is insanely nasty and toxic. I really can't tell that it is but I guess I'd prefer not to wake up dead one morning. A little joke. Hah.

So I am exploring the possibilities and it may turn out to be a good yarn. So far the list of characters is looking promising. There is Ostrud the incredibly direct "star" homeopath who counts such luminaries as Peter Greenaway as a patient, Luis the white Angolan dietician, my friend Georgia who got me headed in this direction and Rita the former RA sufferer who is now apparently completely cured. Stay tuned.

Mr. G is Born Again

Darrell sent me this too. Mr. G rocks now that he has found salvation.

Darrell is a genius part 3

OK this just in. What do you with a freind who has one of the most unique voices in all of literaturedom? Well climb up on BLOG MOUNTAIN and holler, "Darrell Williams is a Genius!" Read on for one perfectly crafted paragraph. 1 PARAGRAPH I TELL YOU!

Walter Ate a Peanut and Passed On

Greta knew that Walter couldn't eat peanuts. He was deathly allergic to them. His parents had discovered this one day when he popped a peanut into his ever-exploring mouth at the age of two. He was rushed to the hospital and from that day forward was never again given a peanut or anything containing peanuts. As he grew older, he often wondered what they tasted like and what he was missing. In 1955, he met and married Greta Moussleman, the love of his life, with whom he sired and helped raise five children without peanuts, for fear that one of them might have Walter's deadly allergy. One by one, the children would secretly discover that they did not share their father's burden, and would go on to lead full and happy peanut-eating lives. So it was a shock to hear of their father's sudden death, and even more disturbing that it had been caused by ingestion of not one, but upwards of the equivalent of 35 peanuts. Equivalent is the word used, because the peanuts had been dry roasted and finely ground into a powder that had been sprinkled onto Walter's morning oatmeal. Greta insisted it wasn't she who had ground and sprinkled the peanuts, and her children could find no reason tosuspect that their father's mate of some 56 years would have cause for murder. Shortly thereafter, Greta passed away like so many forlorn mates of deceased loved ones and the mystery of Walter's death continued to haunt the children until Eric, the oldest son, discovered a secret cash of peanuts in his father's workshop cabinet, along with a sealed envelop that read: upon my death. Eric was shocked to read the words of the letter within, and decided that none of his siblings should ever know their father's final thoughts about life, about the miserable years he spent in a loveless marriage, his hatred of his wife, and how the irresistible urge to try the forbidden legume was more appealing than continuing to put up with Greta. Eric shortly thereafter became depressed and went on medication. None of his bothers nor his sister could understand why.

Darrell Williams