A break from the tedium of the past. The tedium of the present: My Bio.

Sometimes I think I just don't take the commercial biz seriously enough. I've been requested to write a bio for the new web page for the nice company that reps me in España. I written quite a few of these things. They always end with something warm and tingly but the best of these I think was the one I wrote for GAP in Munich. Gap reps me exclusively for the area just outside thier office, between the post office and the drinking fountain. Beyond that I'm up for grabs.

Here goes:

"He was born long, long ago in place called Portland, Oregon. His father was a lumber jack and his mother, a school marm. His grandpa whittled him his first camera when he was just a bug. Unfortunately at 13 he developed a desire to sing show tunes and cook. After the 50th rendition of Oklahoma and a failed attempt at a souffle he was shipped off to the Rumsfeld Academy for Wayward Skinny Boys of Potentially Confused Gender. He was made a man of. He had a dual major: Body hair and ladies dream. He drove a 1972 burgundy Plymouth Roadrunner. Bored out V8. Hemi. Kragers. Jail followed. Sentenced to 11 years for assault with a deadly battery. In jail his ability to sing show tunes made him very popular. He organized a prison playhouse and directed and played all the roles in Chekov's Three Sisters. He escaped while touring grade school cafeterias across the southern states of America. After stealing a reel from a drunken has-been director in Sarasota, Florida he self financed a spec spot for Waymeyer's Nipple Cream using 37 disposable cameras and an inflatable crocodile. Back to jail. Out on special souffle dispensation he moved to Spain after misunderstanding the term, “Tapas Bars.” He will be survived by his daughter Zoe and wife Benedicte. He desires to own a dog and a IPOD."

I still don't have a dog.